A Holiday Survival Guide (for emotional folks)
When I was little, Easter meant waking up to a basket of jelly beans and tearing through the backyard in a pastel dress, hunting for eggs my mom had “hidden” in plain sight. For some of my friends, Passover meant gathering around their grandparents’ dining table, eating Matzah, asking big questions, and retelling a story about freedom and resilience that had been passed down for generations. Spring holidays had a beautiful way of blending meaning with mayhem.
As we get older, those holidays can still be special and joyful—but we start to realize that we’re the ones responsible for creating the magic now. The shopping, the cooking, the coordinating, the showing up. And with that comes a quiet weight—one that’s equal parts love and obligation—and sometimes, that’s a lot to carry.
If you’re someone who feels that pressure—the kind that creeps in as the group texts start flying or the family dynamics start shifting into gear—you’re not alone. Whether you’re hosting, traveling, trying to show up for everyone, or just navigating complicated feelings about family or faith, holidays can stir up more than just nostalgia. So if you're feeling a little anxious, overstretched, or simply not in the mood to be the cheerful, casserole-bearing version of yourself, here are a few things to remember—and ways to survive the holiday with your sanity (mostly) intact.
1. Holidays Don’t Always Feel Like a Celebration
Maybe your family is spread out, or fractured, or just… complicated. Maybe you’re not speaking to someone who will be sitting at that table. Maybe someone who always was there won’t be this year. Or maybe you’re just too worn out to field another round of questions about your relationship status, your job search, your “timeline.”
Whatever the reason, it’s okay if the holidays feels more like a performance than a party. You’re not broken. You’re just human.
2. You’re Allowed to Make Your Own Traditions
Two years ago, I wasn’t able to make it home for Thanksgiving, so I decided to make it work in my own way. I picked up a rotisserie chicken, made stuffing and cranberry sauce — every comfort food I’d normally have with my family back on the East Coast—and turned my apartment into my own little holiday haven. Then I queued up all my favorite holiday movies and watched them one by one, wrapped in a blanket. No pressure, no small talk, no dress or fancy shoes. It ended up being the absolute perfect day.
That’s the thing about traditions: you’re allowed to create your own! They don’t have to follow a script or involve a crowd. Sometimes the most meaningful moments are the ones you build yourself—quietly, intentionally, just because they feel good.
3. You Can Love People and Still Say No
Holidays come with expectations—show up, smile, stay for dessert. But the truth is, you can love your family and still decide that a full-day marathon of small talk, emotional landmines, or logistical chaos just isn’t for you this year. You can say no. You can leave early. You can celebrate with friends instead of family, or spend the day doing laundry and not explain yourself to anyone. You can light a candle, toast to resilience in your own kitchen, and call that sacred.
Be kind, be clear, but don’t bend yourself into a version of “cheerful” that costs too much. Prioritizing yourself doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’re learning how to care for yourself.
4. It’s Okay to Feel a Lot, Even If Nothing “Big” Happened
Sometimes the hardest part of the holidays isn’t what goes wrong—it’s how familiar everything feels. The same table setting. The same jokes. The same people in the same spots, passing the same dishes, offering the same slightly-too-personal questions. On the surface, it all looks exactly as it always has. But you’ve changed. Or maybe someone else has. Maybe life feels a little different this year— more complicated, or just a little heavier than usual.
That’s where the discomfort sneaks in: when everything around you feels the same, but something inside you has shifted. Sometimes you can’t quite put your finger on what feels off, but it just does. That’s okay. Holidays are rarely just one thing—they can be warm and weird, comforting and complicated.
5. Don’t Judge Your Holidays by Someone Else’s Highlight Reel
Social media sure does love a good tablescape! Perfect lighting, matching outfits, smiling families in soft-focus. But behind every curated post is the stuff you don’t see: the rushed grocery runs, the awkward silences, the burnt side dish, the emotional backstory. Just because someone’s feed looks peaceful doesn’t mean their day was—and just because your holiday isn’t photo-ready doesn’t mean it’s not meaningful.
Try not to measure your experience against someone else's filtered version. The best moments are often the ones no one captures— laughs in the kitchen, a walk around the block, the relief of taking off tight pants.
Even if your feed is filled with smiling families and color-coordinated outfits, trust me: many are white-knuckling it, hoping for grace and probably a little bit of space. You won’t be the only one ordering Chinese food and skipping it all. Or going and quietly wishing it felt easier.
Whatever the holidays look like for you—whether it’s a packed house, a chaotic kitchen, or a quiet day on your own—I hope you remember you’re allowed to make it yours. You don’t owe anyone cheer, composure, or the perfect coconut cake. You’re allowed to feel the ache and the joy, the gratitude and the overwhelm. You’re allowed to set boundaries, take breaks, and do whatever helps you get through.
And if that means crying in the coat closet for a few minutes? Honestly—highly effective.